


sing with me

by gom_seulgi



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25461457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gom_seulgi/pseuds/gom_seulgi
Summary: one shot collection of sad stories based on songs





	1. the last song i'll sing to you

song: jealous - labrinth  
pair: jennie and lisa

I sat on the wooden chair with a soft cushion above it. It's wide enough for another person to sit on, must be meant for two people. But today, I'll do this alone.

It wasn't just one afternoon in my cold but cozy room. Not just a lazy morning where I don't have anything else to do, where we don't have anything left to do. It's one of the most special day for everyone we knew.

It's my princess' wedding, Jennie Kim's wedding.

I was still a little intoxicated, drinking straight for a week made me think that I'll die before the wedding but He didn't let me. He must've thought that in order for me to go, I should go through this first and probably die from a heartache or something, I don't know. I just want this to end, to be honest.

I didn't expect to receive a call from her, in the middle of the night when my insomnia just decided to attack. But what came out of the phone left me unable to speak for a day.

"Lisa? You're the closest person in my life and I would really really love to have you in my wedding," Imagine the fireworks in my head going off and blasting mid-air only for the rain to pour when she said, "...as my wedding singer."

Imagine that I thought she was asking me to marry her, how dumb of me, right?

I shook my head slowly, trying to pry my eyes open. They were still bloodshot, crying really does that to people. The saltiness ruins your eyes, making them puffy as a pillow. I tried to cover the eye bags from the sleepless nights using make-up but they were still showing a little so when she asked I told her that I practiced all night.

She never looked this beautiful in my eyes, never in years. Well, maybe once but that was it. Her smile radiates so much happiness that I've never seen before.

So, I wondered, what did I do wrong to not get that?

I cracked my knuckles and straightened my back. I inhaled and exhaled to calm myself. I closed my eyes and told myself that this will end soon, I just have to keep singing.

I looked at the white and black keys. I'd say before that, the white keys exudes happiness and the black ones embodies sadness. We can't keep playing the white ones all the time, sometimes we need the black ones to make it sound pleasing.

Recently, I keep playing the black keys repeatedly.

I coughed once before aligning my hands to the piano and my mouth to the mic.

I'm jealous of the rain  
That falls upon your skin  
It's closer than my hands have been  
I'm jealous of the rain

I'm jealous of the wind  
That ripples through your clothes  
It's closer than your shadow  
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind

And I must say, these lyrics now means a lot to me, this was your favorite, right?

I heard murmurs dying down behind me. I took a quick glance and there she is, looking like how she did back when she first heard me sing a song.

It was for a school performance, I was known to play the piano among my batch and she was a transferee. I remember her looking at me in awe while I sing my heart out in the auditorium. Both of her hands were on the top of her chest and it was as if she's trying not to breathe or make a sound. She was so amazed and she never knew that I was, too.

I stopped for a second to look back at her and she wasn't in awe but her brows were furrowed in a way that tells me she's pitying me.

I sighed and smiled at her.

'Cause I wished you the best of  
All this world could give  
And I told you when you left me  
There's nothing to forgive

And this reminded me of your words back then,

"Lisa, I-I'm so sorry." You were keeping your tears in, right? I still haven't figured out why you left me in the altar on the day of our wedding but it's okay. It's fine.

"It's not your fault, okay? I love you." I hugged you before you ran out of the church. I watched your tiny steps turn to big ones, almost leaping to get out of there, to get away from me.

And I never asked why you left.

But I always thought you'd come back,  
Tell me all you found was  
Heartbreak and misery  
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way  
You're happy without me

I never told you that I waited in the altar hoping to see you open the door and come back to my arms. My eyes slowly watered realizing that this is the last image of you in my mind. The love of my life running away on the most special day of my life, the most awaited happening in my 25 years of living.

I've never been so happy when you said yes. You brought me to my knees and cried in front of everybody, something I've never done for the last couple of years.

I can feel something getting stuck in my throat, I can feel a sob trying to come out of my mouth so I gulped and continued the next phrases.

I'm jealous of the nights  
That I don't spend with you  
I'm wondering who you lay next to  
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights

I'm jealous of the love  
Love that was in here  
Gone for someone else to share  
Oh, I'm jealous of the love

Was it shared even before? Was it only me? Was I the only one you loved back then or was I sharing you with someone else?

These were the questions I wanted to ask you but I never had the guts to. I'm afraid to hear the truth from you, I'm afraid that they were right all along.

That you went to a man after ditching me in your white dress.

I never believed them, I know you can't do something so cruel. I think you can't.

I inhaled hard to fill my lungs with air and almost screamed on the microphone.

'Cause I wished you the best of  
All this world could give  
And I told you when you left me  
There's nothing to forgive  
But I always thought you'd come back  
Tell me all you found was  
Heartbreak and misery  
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way

Before I could finish the song, I broke down, broadcasting the sound of my sobs all throughout the hall. The murmurs came back, I heard someone saying that I was Jennie's former lover.

Nothing hurts more than that.

I used the sleeves of my shirt to get rid of my tears and I don't know what came upon me but I took the mic and stood up to look at her.

I didn't care if I embarrass myself in front of hundreds of people, I don't care about anything at the moment.

"J-Jennie-" My voice broke down as I see her in that man's arms, crying as well. I thought I was the only one hurting.

"I just want to say... that... it's n-not your fault. Okay? I'm happy that you're happy." Have you felt something so painful you just wish to die instantly? I'm hurting more than that.

"I-I hope you stay as happy as this as always. And to you, Kai," I never liked his name, "You're one lucky man, you're the luckiest so take care of her or else I'll come back to take her away from you." I can hear other people, people who knew about us, sobbing with me.

And again I thought, why would they cry? They're not the one who was left two years ago in a black suit with people consoling them that it'll be fine when it will never be. It never will. That's not how it works. I felt like I lost myself as I try to cope with my everyday life living without her. They will never know how it feels unless they're me.

"Nini, remember that I will always be here. As a friend." I walked away seeing that she was about to reach out to me. I've ruined her wedding enough, I don't want to see her cry anymore and so I left, leaving her the same image she left me with.

And the last words she'll ever hear from me.


	2. next time (part one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of connected with the first one :)

song: all i ask - adele  
pair: jennie and lisa

i deserve more.

i deserve more than this.

if only, if only i'm a man, would i be the person beside her tomorrow and for the rest of her life?

'if'

i can only be an 'if'

"should i go tomorrow?"

"you'll only hurt yourself if you'll go."

but that's the only way to know if i'm still alive. if i still have the will to live this life. if i can still inhale the same air in this place, the same place you resides. if i'm still capable of feeling pain or have i gone numb? i wish i did, for tomorrow will be the most painful event in my entire time on this planet.

"i'll go." i smiled but she only frowned. i reached my hands to hold hers and the other to cup her left cheek.

"but its okay, if you don't want to see me then i'll--" she squeezed my hand. she wants me there but at the same time she just want me to leave and be gone for a long time. maybe for eternity.

"you're such a martyr, do you know that?" she hit my arm gently. we we're outside her house, supposedly our house. this is where the wedding will commence tomorrow. not a lot of people will attend, only some relatives and close ones. unfortunately, i'm included with the close ones.

"jennie-ssi-- wait, soon to be mrs. kim, let me be selfish for the last time." fortunately, the lucky guy's surname was also kim. it wouldn't make a difference but i can only wish that it was me. i do wish it was me. in this world of critiques, selfish people and toxic society, yes, i still wish i am him. i wouldn't care even for a single second about what the world would think if i marry nini. she's all i have. without nini, it feels like i've been robbed off of my happiness.

we ---i don't know if i can still use that without thinking that we are together--- dreamt of owning a house to ourselves, cook each other dinner, wash the dishes together and play around like we always do... it was crushed, i understand her though. in order to pay back everything her parents did for her, she have to do this. a rich family, they can pay the hospital bills for her father. and as the only daughter, she can't say no.

i didn't talked to her for a week because of that. not that i got mad that she agreed but for the fact that after keeping her all these years, keeping us hidden to everything that could destroy us, i'm still going to lose her. i even thought of taking her away for good but i know she'll refuse, so i accepted my fate although deep inside i really want to fight for us. she's in good hands but i never once saw him ever since nini and i got together but she told me he's a childhood friend.

i hugged her. tight.

i don't want to let go of you but this is what you want.

i held a deep sigh. i don't want her to feel bad about this but i'll keep my promise no matter what.

"nini." a sniff. it's getting harder to speak, i can feel the lump in my throat slowly forming.

i won't shed a tear tonight. someone have to and that is me.

"remember what we do whenever we're in a good mood?"

"w-we dance. like how couples would."

"and i'd tell you how much i love you under the moon." i can feel my shirt getting wet as more tears flow down from her eyes. she hugged me tighter, her hands strongly gripping my shirt. she doesn't want to let go. someone have to.

i swayed our bodies together, following the rhythm that i formed in my head. we could've dance happier, livelier but that would be absurd at this moment.

"don't cry. you'll dry them up. you still need them tomorrow." she punched me at the back, very weakly. her cries turned to sobs in a matter of seconds and i can't help but shed a lone tear.

it's funny how i can still make jokes at this situation but i like pretending to be happy. happy for her. i've pretended once, that was when she slightly burned the pancake she cooked for me. i don't want to waste any food, especially if she cooked for me so i pretended that it was good and finished it all.

but pretending to be happy for my happiness when she's the cause of my sadness is just as hard as eating that pancake or maybe it was harder. the pain that i'll feel tomorrow cannot be compared to anything. watching the love of your life get married to someone else, someone she doesn't know enough, someone she met on her young years, someone she must've forgotten before and suddenly remembered, someone foreign, someone that may cause her harm, someone she doesn't love, someone that is not me.

i didn't noticed that we've stopped swaying for some seconds now and just stood there, engulfing ourselves with the warmth that i'll miss, spending the remaining time for us.

i wish

here i am again with a wish that wouldn't come true.

but,

stopping time right now, right at this moment, will help me cope with the sadness, regret, disappointment and guilt that's waiting for me once tomorrow ends. at these times, i would always despise the sun. the brightness of it reminds me of everything, probably of every memory we shared together.

if this will be my last memory of her, i rather not let the sun rise so it'll never end. unluckily, there's always an end on everything.

i slowly detached her body from mine. its almost twelve, she still have a wedding tomorrow. if this is bound to end, i shall end it soon. the sooner the better.

her puffy eyes and slightly red nose faced me. even under the moonlight, she's still beautiful. the silence rang through the night, probably on the next few days, weeks, months or years too. i should get used to it.

i wiped her tears with a gentle kiss under her beautiful pair of eyes. then i thought, if she ever got into an accident where she lost her sight, i'd gladly give mine as a replacement. if this is the last time i'll see her ---last time that she's mine--- i rather live without my eyes but i want to see her happy too.

tears threatened to fall, i fought it. i wish i could fight like this for us too and not just for these tears.

we stared at each other. i can feel that she's also cherishing the last look we'll share. i can feel the love just from her honest eyes. i hope she feels the same too.

inch by inch we closed the gap between us. the last kiss we'll ever share. i'll remember this for us, nini.

the tears i kept finally broke down like a dam. it tasted saltier than the sea. then i thought of the ocean.

oh how i fear the deep, dark ocean.

sinking and sinking as the waves swallow me with no return... slowly losing the remaining oxygen in my body as the darkness swallow my all.

but i can face that fear now. i wouldn't mind drowning, dying in my worst fear or get eaten by creatures that lurks beneath because now,

my worst fear is losing her.

and i already did.

i broke away from our kiss that lasted longer than i expected. i'll surely miss those lips. they gave me nothing but comfort. makes me feel that i have someone to rely on, someone i can tell my concerns with, someone i can be myself with.. someone i can love for the rest of my life...

probably only in my dreams now.

i wish this is a dream. that everything that's going to happen is just my mind, tricking me in my sleep. i wish it's just schizophrenia.. trying to scare me tonight but i got slapped by reality when her fiancé called.

"answer it."

"no."

"he's your husband."

"not yet."

"it might be an emergency..."

jennie answered with reluctance in her eyes. she knows that this is supposed to be our time, our last time but things doesn't work that way in reality and her soon-to-be husband is the perfect example of it.

it made me realized that she's officially not mine anymore. i felt something clench in my heart. the pain, i really am not dreaming.

she just sadly smiled at me when the call ended. i did the same. words aren't needed at these moments because our eyes speaks for ourselves and i'm grateful for that. our voice will crack by the second we speak which would only prolong this.

the sooner the better.

"jennie, i need to go. please take care of yourself for me, okay?" i found her hand clutching mine a little too tight... she doesn't want to let me go yet but i've already given up. given up on the hope that tomorrow will not come, that tomorrow is just a hoax, that this is just prank set for me, i really hope that it is a joke for tomorrow will be our anniversary.

i removed her hand from mine and turned my back away from her. away from my happiness. changes are bound to happen and nothing stays forever in this world.

i didn't dare look back at her for my eyes can barely see as the tears flow endlessly. i can hear her weep under the trees, her body trembled as she watch my retreating form then she finally fell down on her knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please do leave comments or suggestions or anything. i'm new here, please be kind with me :(


End file.
